Can They Survive?
by Caliam Baggins Took
Summary: Harry Potter characters and characters from the movie Dogma meet up to play Survivor on an island in the South Pacific. Who will win? I'm not sure of that, so just read it. I'm sure the decision will be good. R+R PLEASE!!!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, got it? Good.  
  
A/N: I cut off the cast by some... Just felt like it. Characters will be OOC, especially Jay and all them so I can make this appropriate for Harry Potter fans of *all* ages!  
  
~Chapter 1~  
*Survivor theme song plays then pans off to the host Jeff Probst*  
  
Jeff: Hello, and welcome to Survivor. I'm sure after 4 shows you know what the deal is. But, once again we are in the South Pacific, on yet another island. This time instead of 16 strangers coming together, we have 8 people on each tribe that actually know each other, yet they don't know the people on the other tribe. Well, lets introduce everyone. On the Gawdblessamerica tribe we have:  
  
Jay  
Silent Bob *Jeff gives a funny look, Bob narrows his eyes at him. Jeff goes on*  
Bethany  
Bartleby  
Loki  
Rufus   
Serendipity  
And Metatron  
  
*Jeff mumbles to himself...* Where do all these people come from? What kind of name is Bartleby or Metatron? *He remembers that he's being taped so he goes on*  
  
Jeff: All of the people on that tribe came from Redbank, New Jersey to be here. They are made up of angels, a dead apostle, two prophets, and the last scion? *Jeff gives another weird look* Oh well... On the Englandrocks tribe we have:  
  
Harry Potter  
Hermione Granger  
Ron Weasley  
Draco Malfoy  
Minerva McGonagall  
Albus Dumbledore  
Hagrid ?  
And Severus Snape  
  
*Jeff mumbles to himself again...* Now those names are better! *He looks back at the camera.* That tribe is made up of witches and wizards. *Jeff gulps* So survivors are you ready?  
  
*There are yells of yeah and all of that from the crowed*  
  
Jeff: Here are maps to your campsites. *Jeff hands one to Severus and one to Metatron* Good luck!   
  
*Nobody moves and Jeff gets anxious*  
  
Jeff: You can go now, please!  
  
*All the survivors head off towards there campsites*  
  
*The camera follows the Gawdblessamerica tribe*  
  
Jay: This blows. When are going to get some water?  
  
Metatron: In time Jay. Why don't you just drink some seawater? I'm sure it wouldn't affect you of all people.  
  
Jay: Are you crazy man? I heard that stuff makes your mind go nuts or something like that. * Silent Bob nods*  
  
Serendipity: Duh, what did you think Metatron meant by saying it wouldn't affect you?  
  
Jay: I'm not crazy. The only crazy person here is Bartleby.  
  
Bartleby: Hey! I took a year of anger management classes just to make all that anger go away, and you go back and insult me? *He begins to cry and runs to Loki*  
  
Jay: *cough*queer*cough*  
  
Bartleby: All right buddy, BRING IT ON! *Bartleby tries to go and beat Jay up but Loki holds him back, a nd Silent Bob holds Jay back*  
  
*Camera now follows the Englandrocks tribe*  
  
Draco: I want to go home, this is no place for high-class people like me to be!  
  
Harry: Ah shut up, Malfoy. You wouldn't know what survival was if it came an bit you on the--  
All: HARRY!  
  
Harry: Sor-ry...  
  
Hermione: I say when we get to the site we use our magic skills o build us a shelter. We're going to have to be better equipped, no pun intended, then that other tribe if we want to survive in this place!  
  
*Everyone nods*  
  
Ron: Wait a second that rock looks awfully familiar. I think we are going in circles.  
  
Severus: I've been reading the map right the whole time, Weasley. Another comment like that and I'll take away one thousand points from Gryffindor in advance.  
  
*Ron just shrugs* Maybe the map is wrong, Professor.  
  
Severus: Wrong? Why would they give us a map that is incorrect?  
  
Albus: Something foul is afoot...  
  
Harry: Yeah and he's hiding behind that bush. *Harry points to a bush not far away where Jeff is hiding laughing his booty off*  
  
Draco: I say we beat him up and steal the real map.  
  
Minerva: Now Mr. Malfoy there is no use for violence here. Just go ask her politely for the map.  
  
*Draco rolls his eyes. And goes to ask Jeff for the map, but instead he sees a sign with their tribe name on it.*  
  
Draco: Hey guys! It's over here!  
  
*They all run to the site*  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Okay now tell me what you think. Any suggestions, a comment even critiques. Flames are appreciated!  
  
  



	2. Day 2~incentive challenge

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters feature in this cool little story.... DARN!   
  
A/N: Sorry if this sucks... I'm not in the best mood right now, since my best friends went to see the preview of Harry Potter and they didn't even invite me but they invited my sister. Worth rotting in Hell for, eh?   
  
*DAY 2*   
*The camera first goes to the GawdblessAmerica tribe where Loki is sitting teaching a snake to make a sand castle.*   
  
Loki: "And that is how you make a sand castle, Mr. Tador. Any questions? Oh yeah that's right your a snake you can't talk... Oh well."   
  
*Bartleby wakes up to hear Loki talking to Mr. Tador. So he comes out of the tent and walks over to them.*   
  
Bartleby: "Loki, what on Earth are you doing?"   
  
*Loki hears Bartleby so he picks up Mr.Tador and throws him in a tree.*   
  
Loki: "Nothing, why?"   
  
*Bartleby shakes his head.*   
  
Bartleby: "Nevermind. Hey isn't here something we are supposed to do now?" *Bartleby looks confused*   
  
*Loki shrugs and begins to knock down his castle.*   
  
Bartleby: "Oh yeah! We have to go find the little note thingy so we can do the challenge thingy..."   
  
*Loki nods and starts walking. Bartleby follows. Moments later they come to a little tree that has a note tube tied to it. Bartleby takes it in his hand and opens it. He pulls out a small note, nothing fancy, and he begins to read:   
  
Bartleby: "Go to the clearing in the middle of the island! NOW!"   
  
Loki: "Wow how original." *Loki starts to hum the Spongebob Squarepants theme song.*   
  
Bartleby: "Come on Loki..."   
  
*Bartleby starts to walk back towards the campsite with Loki dancing around behind him.*   
  
*When they get back to the campsite, still no one is up.*   
  
Bartleby: "Lazy people. You don't go on Survivor to sleep you come on Survivor to be awake and to eat buggies and to eat rice all day everyday no matter what...."   
  
*Loki looks at Bartleby weird. Bartleby just smiles and walks off, trying to find his little blankie with the cows on it.*   
  
*Loki thinks for a moment and then comes up with an idea.*   
  
Loki: "OH MY GOD! BARTLEBY'S GONE CRAZY AGAIN! GOD SAVE ME!"   
  
*Loki stands and watches as everyone comes running out of the tents they had made. Loki begins to laugh when they are all out*   
  
Loki: "Gotcha! Oh You should have seen your faces. Bartleby crazy? Nah!" *Loki falls over laughing.*   
"Oh and by the way we have to go to this incentive challenge thing now. It said NOW so hurry up and get ready ! Bartleby and I have been waiting for you to get up all day...."   
  
*They all glare at Loki then walk off. Bartleby comes back to join Loki.*   
  
Bartleby: "Now what's this about me being crazy?"   
  
*Loki shrugs*   
  
*A few minutes later they all head off to the clearing in the middle of the island.*   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
*commercial break!*   
  
Lady: "Hey, look it's the Reebok guys!"   
  
*Everyone in the commercial dances as the Reebok guys walk down the street with Johnny Knocksville.*   
  
Reebok Guys: "I guess they don't love you anymore Johnny..."   
  
*Johnny looks at them and laughs as two grocery carts run them over. Bam and Steve-O get out and give a thumbs-up sign to Johnny. All the crowd looks aghast.*   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Jeff: "Welcome Survivor's to your first incentive challenge. Today, since I am tired and have a huge hangover, oh thanks for the tequila Metatron, we will have a contest to see who can stay quiet for the longest. What the f..."   
  
*Johnny, Bam, and Steve-O Go flying by in grocery carts. Everyone watches after them except Loki who is watching a centipede*   
  
Jeff: "Well, anyways. Survivors ready? GO!"   
  
Loki: "This is such a fun contest!" *Two guys come in and pull Loki out. Draco snickers so they pull him out to.*   
  
*A few minutes later only Harry, Hermione, Snape, Metatron, Bethany, and Serendipity are left.*   
  
*Another few minutes late only Hermione and Metatron are left...*   
  
*A few hours later they are still there...*   
  
*Jeff is sleeping in a nearby tree while the Survivors that had already talked are playing strip poker, Snape was losing...*   
  
*Hermione comes up with an idea. Not her usual bright ideas either*   
  
Hermione: "Screw this! We should both win!"   
  
*All the Survivors gasp.*   
  
Harry: "Hermione! You stupid girl! You lost it for us! What kinda bright idea was that?!"   
  
*Hermione shrugs and shakes Metatron's hand. He smiles and then does a touchdown dance. Loki laughs and falls into a fire. He jumps out.*   
  
Loki: "I'm okay. Just alittle burnt. Mmmmmm I smell hotdogs..."   
  
*All the Survivors laugh.*   
  
* Jeff pops out of sleep*   
  
Jeff: "No mommy I didn't have sex with the pie!"   
  
*All the survivors laughs again*   
  
Jay: "Ew man a pie? You can do better then that!" *Silent Bob nods*   
  
*Jeff smirks at him and climbs out of the tree.*   
  
Jeff: "Well Metatron, you one the first incentive challenge for your team, and your prize is a bottle of Tequila. Wowsers I'm so good...."   
  
*All the Survivors groan.*   
  
Jeff: "What!? I am."   
  
*Metatron grabs the tequila from him.*   
  
Jeff: "Hey!"   
  
Metatron: "It's mine now!"   
  
*All the Survivors get a worried look on their faces and run off to their campsites.*   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
A/N: Any suggestions or comments? I think it's pretty funny! But ya know that's just me! 


End file.
